The MarySue Marriage
by Silver Mayflower
Summary: After receiving a letter, I get sucked in another world to witness Barbie's marriage, which really sucks because I wanna go home. A badly written multicrossover Crack!fic which I allow to stay on the site only because it's my first fanfic ever.


**Summary: After receiving a letter, I get sucked in another world to witness Barbie's marriage, which really sucks because I wanna go home.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Barbie (thank goodness), Slayers (if I did, there would be a fourth season), Van Helsing, Dragonball Z or Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Fluffy however is my sole property. Stealing him will result in a very painful death. You have been warned.**

When someone would later ask me what the weirdest day in my life was, I would say it was April 2, 2005. Why, do you ask? Well, the day certainly didn't start out very weird.

I rolled out of my bed at 2 p.m. (Stop yelling mom! It's Saturday!), took a shower, brushed my teeth, dressed, and went down for some chocolate, cookies and a glass of lemonade. It wasn't until I finished my third chocolate bar that the weirdness started.

I was about to turn on the TV when something got my attention; there was an envelope lying on the floor. I picked it up; it was addressed like this:

_Miss Mayflower  
The largest bedroom  
Dark Avenue 13_  
_Werewolf district  
Peurville _

I was suspicious right away. This obviously wasn't a normal letter, even though it looked quite innocent. I slowly went to my room, and sat down on the bed. After scraping up my courage, I opened the letter, and read:

_Dear miss Mayflower,_

_I, Barbie, the Almighty Queen of Mary-Sues, am glad to announce my wedding to you and all the other fanfiction authors. I hereby invite you to my wedding, which is today. Don't worry about transportation; as soon as you reach the end of this letter, you will be sucked trough a portal._

_Yours faithfully,_

_Barbie, the Almighty Queen of Mary-Sues._

Well, when I reached the end of the letter, a portal did appear; but it wasn't one of those nice swirly ones, or one that looked like that one from Stargate: SG-1; oh nooo, it just had to be a creepy dark hole that radiated an immense cold into my room.

I felt something drawing me towards the portal. When I touched the portal, I shivered: not only was it as cold as ice, but it felt really sticky too; something like syrup. Eeew.

I tried to step back, but to my immense horror, I found I couldn't move back anymore; my last thought before I fell in the portal, was "Mom is going to kill me"…

When I woke up, I knew I was in another world… of course, seeing a smiling Barbie in front of me might have given it away a bit. Barbie looked like… Barbie. She was tall (of course), blonde (duh), and well shaped (understatement of the year).

She also wore a wedding dress that looked absolutely amazing; and very expensive too. It was made of white satin, and was covered in hundreds of tiny, diamonds, glittering like the stars. When I looked up at her, her smile widened, showing her pearly white teeth, and she started to speak with the sweetest voice imaginable.

"Why hello, you must be miss Mayflower!" I quickly stood up, feeling very stupid. "Welcome to my wedding! I'm sure you are very happy for me, aren't you?" she asked, still with the same sugary voice, though an urgent tone had crept trough.

"Ehh… who are you going to marry?" I asked quickly, hoping to distract her. "I'm going to marry Ken, of course!" she said, getting stars in her eyes; at the same time, little angels started to flutter around her, throwing pink confetti. Barbie sighed happily; I tried not to gag.

Suddenly, Barbie spoke up again in a sweet voice (which I had gotten pretty sick of already): "I really need to go now; there are other guests I have to greet!" and with that statement, she turned around gracefully, and walked away. I sighed, she had gone at last!

Well, if I was here, then I could at least see if I recognised anyone. I turned around… and bumped straight into none other than Xelloss, the infamous trickster priest from 'Slayers', who currently looked like death warmed up. (No surprise, really…)

Xelloss was a mazoku, a creature made of pure evil, and all this happiness around was probably as deadly to him as salt acid to a child. Especially since this was a Mary-Sue wedding.

"Hello," I said, sounding more cheerful then I actually was. "You're Xelloss, aren't you? Is Lina Inverse here too?" Xelloss looked at me, and sighed. "Lina-san is currently somewhere at the buffet: as well as Gourry-san and Amelia-san" he said tiredly. "Zelgadiss-san is hiding somewhere, and Filia-san is drinking tea with B… B… you know who".

He grimaced and turned around, now looking more ill than ever. I hoped he would survive this day; he was my favourite Slayers character, and NO Mary-Sue was going to kill him off; that privilege was reserved for me and other fanfiction authors!

**(A/N – Exactly!)**

I wandered around a bit more, eventually spotting a group of people who looked just like me; wearing t-shirts and jeans. Probably fanfiction authors. I decided not to disturb them, though; they looked ready to kill anyone who even _looked_ at them in the wrong way, and I didn't even have a proper life insurance yet.

Suddenly, someone crashed into me; I fell on the floor and automatically started to curse. "You stupid son-of-a…" The person had stood up and covered my mouth, and whispered in a hoarse voice: "Be quiet! Silly girl! Do you really want to draw attention to us?" Surprised, I looked up at the mysterious person; and decided this day was getting weirder and weirder.

Because, in front of me, stood Gabriel van Helsing, looking like the Devil himself was chasing him… well, in his case, that might be true. People like him attracted trouble like a magnet, or even went looking for it deliberately.

"Ehh, why is it so important not to draw attention to us?" I asked, wondering if he had gone crazy at last (I always knew something like this would happen). "Be quiet and stay here", he replied, looking around frantically.

He turned away and disappeared in the crowd. I had a two-second argument with the voices in my head whether I should listen to him and stay on the spot, or if I should follow him to see if Dracula was here too. "But," I realized, "it's in the middle of the day! Dracula can't show up if it's light!" I shrugged and turned around. Apparently Gabriel had, indeed, lost it. Oh well, maybe there was something nice to eat, here.

And so I decided to check out the buffet, before Lina Inverse and her best friend Gourry, and perhaps Son Goku from 'Dragonball Z', would finish everything. Not even Barbie's caterers would be able to keep up with _those_ people.

After half an hour (damn these Mary-Sues, when were they going to start the ceremony? I wanted to get home as soon as possible! I was missing the latest episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer!) I decided the buffet wasn't interesting anymore; the cookies covered in white chocolate where long gone in my stomach, and the only other remotely edible sweet things that had been on the table had already disappeared in the stomachs of Lina and Son Goku, after they had decided to have a contest who could eat the most.

Of course, there was still the pudding, but I didn't like pudding. Especially not if it was grey. Yes, you heard me. It was GREY. And it looked just as disgusting to me as it sounded to you, I'm absolutely sure of it.

Suddenly, a voice boomed: "The wedding ceremony will now start!"

I sighed, realizing that I should get over with this as soon as possible, and decided to take a seat as far away from the path as possible. It would do no good to let Barbie and Ken see me sleeping in my chair, which I was planning to do. Wedding ceremonies… boooooring!

By the time Barbie and Ken were standing next to each other in front of the altar, I had already dozed of, my mind being somewhere between Neptune and Pluto (not the dog, the planet, you dolts!) and I was busy exploring space, meeting little green men.

Until something jumped in my lap, that is. I shot up, nearly letting out a scream; but the thing in my lap wasn't dangerous at all. It was just a normal rabbit. Actually, it wasn't. It was a PINK rabbit. A pink rabbit with GLASSES on.

So I stared at the rabbit.

The rabbit stared back at me.

I stared back again. And nearly fell of my chair when the rabbit spoke. "Don't stare at me! Has no one ever told you it's impolite? Young people these days, acting like they rule the world…"

"Who are you?" I asked stupidly. "I'm your Plot Bunny of course!" the rabbit said, getting angrier every second. "Your personal Plot Bunny. Anyway, I'll be assisting you when you write stories… God knows you need all the help you can get."

I choose not to pursue the matter any further. And he _was _right. Sort of.

Nothing happened for the rest of the ceremony, and Barbie and Ken ended up married. Which wasn't particularly interesting, I can assure you.

After the ceremony, I quickly got in line for the portal that brought people back to where they belonged; I wanted to get home as soon as possible.

Fluffy, as I called my newly acquired Plot Bunny, was agreeing too; he had seen enough of Mary-Sues for a very long time, and he wanted to know what my room looked like; after all, he was going to live there for the rest of my writing career. Or until I moved out of the house; whichever came first.

After waiting in line for forty minutes (don't you hate it when that happens?) I finally stepped trough the portal, and ended up in my room.

Or what was left of it, anyway.

As a blood-curling scream was heard all throughout the house, and my little brother sneaked away to escape, Fluffy sighed. 'Why do I always get the weirdo's…'

**SM - Hello everyone! Did you enjoy the story? No? Well, I can't say I'm surprised. It's only my first fanfiction ever. Anyway, constructive criticism is always welcome. Flames will be used to burn down my school.**

**Fluffy – Actually, Flames are welcome… after all, this story isn't worth much. It's completely and utterly worthless. It even deserves to be flamed.**

**SM – Oh shut up.**


End file.
